don't talk about me without my permission

Hi, I am Dove, well Dovile is my full name... Honestly, friends that I had before doesn't know me at all, and friends that I have right now knows me too much, yet probably not at all... I am not two faced, I don't lie, I am just messed up in a head badly. I can look at it as a good thing, it makes me be me; makes me be special in my own way. I tend to freak out about things I interact with the first time, I tend to seem judgmental, but honestly, I deeply don't give a shit and I don't care how someone lives, it's you own fucking life! I tend to exaggerated everything and at the same time look at it like it's nothing... I always have two or even multiple opinions about every single theme I talk about. I have been through so much which made me how I am right now, even if I say I had and have boring life and nothing actually bad happened to me, I don't mean it, or more like I don't understand that I have been through it at all... I think I am special, but at the same time like nothing in this world... All I am interested about is something that, according to "normal" society do not exist. NOTHING is normal haha! To most people I seem freaky, weird, mentally crazy, but that's how I am shitheads! That's how I live... If you don't like that, I don't care, just don't talk to me then, I have friends who accept me for who I am. And even now, this says nothing how I really am. It's hard to describe how I see world, it would be amazing if someone who does not understand me would just be me for one day and realize that it's awesome to feel how I feel, yet it's depressing and exhausting; it's exhausting to be me, go through same shit each day and feel like it 24/7. But I got used to it. So if you think you can handle me, you are wrong.. It is hard for me to deal with myself, and mostly I can't handle it. When I experience manic attack and go from being frustrated to being completely anxious to horribly paranoid, to finally like out of this world, that is when I can't handle myself and my mind. I stopped caring too much about others who does not care about me, and I am not telling a lie, because there is another side to this, such as, I care about everything all the time, I feel all emotions, yet I can feel none. And that is how I live everyday. I don't have patience with most of the things, I have irritating OCD's and I always think there is something wrong with me. And don't tell me there isn't, because I will not change my beliefs, even if I say it makes sense. I can agree and disagree with everything at the same time, cause I am complete center in everything. People say there is no center between the left wing and the right wing, the left brain thinkers, and right brain thinkers. Well guess what, I am center... I don't like when people say I am completely normal, and it is just a teenager phase or what ever.. IT IS NOT, you dumbass! I felt like this form my early child days, I had to grow up early, and take responsibilities in my and other lifes... I had no choice in anything I had to do, everything was forced on me and I had to just go along with it. And that is what I am doing right now, I am going along with everything, except I have choice in everything I do, and it is not always right choices. And I never learn from it... I see world differently, I see reality like it is fake and do not exist. That is how I see it... People think I am just foreign so sometimes it's hard for me understand stuff but it is not true; the world for me is different, I might see different colours than you, I might see something that you cannot see and I don't care how weird it sounds because that is how I am.. Its me and I am proud to be me and nobody else. I have violent thoughts yet I would never make them real. I dream the most messed up dreams and most normal dreams each night and remember it the next morning... It seems so real that I can't sort them from what I call reality, I don't even know what is real. I daydream so hardcore that sometimes it looks like it just happened.. I talk to myself all the time. I mean it, all freaking time. I talk to them as they are real, I don't know people or not people. My life have never been so vivid and 3D, more like my virtual world is mixing with my reality and I cannot comprehend that anymore so I think anything I think of and everything I actually experience is real. I am paranoid as fuck all day everyday, but I am so used to it that I don;t even notice it. I might have phsychic abilities, because I have sharp 6th sense and sometimes I dream about things or think about it before it happens, even though it is pretty rare for me.  So in conclusion I had and have pretty stressful life, so anything that I do is unpredictable... and the fearful thing is, I enjoy it too much..