Or maybe not/ Why

                  I just watched a movie in which a young lady said "how would you know that he is the one. or second, third or fourth... we are looking for someone who just does not exist!" (not the exact quote). That brought me to thinking what do I actually want. I honestly have no idea. I am just looking for someone who probably doesn't exist.
                  I have two worlds. In one there is school, family and friends. The other is just about me and love. You see I am not happy with the second world. Even though I appear smiling and being all positive at school/home and don't get me wrong. I am happy, happy with my friends, who are just awesome and happy with all subjects, because it finally interests me. But there is still something missing. My second world. Which half of it hardly exists. How do I know if I am looking for the right thing, or what am I doing wrong. I am not all knowing narrator who can tell or suggest life lessons. Who the fuck is in the first place... Probably that part of my second world.
                  Every day I am trying to help myself and yes, I did succeed. I did helped, it's much easier to me to communicate. But it's still not the whole. Maybe I miss some details, probably I just react to the most situations wrongly. I do not know! I do not have a single idea how everything works out between two people. How their chemistry just reacts perfectly. How each thread connects masterly...
                  Why it's so hard to understand it. I am the kind of person, who needs to comprehend everything. I mean every, each, single thing. What I want to say by that is I know it's impossible to actually achieve it, however for me it's completely unhealthy, it just eats me alive, rips me apart, makes me scream awfully inside my head.
                   My only and rhetorical question is why from all perspectives. Why this all bizarre thing is happening. Where is its purpose. How human manages to find the answers. When there will be the time for me to find the answer. The thing I do understand, it must be found by myself, which right now looks so terrifying and impossible and at the same time so significant and incredible. For now it's only poor guesses.